| no title |
[Feb. 9th, 2006|12:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | *Crush*-Mandy Moore | ] |
so.... it's the third week of classes, and its finished. i started doing my field work, at the daycare ceneter located on campus. it really is a lot of fun, and i like the kids. i picked the two-year olds room. those kids have lots of energy, and are really sweet. two of them, i think will be my buddies. but i hope they all will be my buddies. haha. basically 3 days a week i'm at flcc, and it is almost all day long. and it really is tiring and a lot of work. but i know i have to do it, so i can graduate this summer, or so i hope. and i have so many big projects to do this semester already, that i'm going to go nuts. and i'm already going nuts and it's only the third week. still havent gotton my books, but thats what this weeks paycheck is all about. i hope my mom and i will go shopping to like barnes and noble or borders this week end. and maybe con her in to paying for some of it yay! so that's all with school.
speeding ticket update: orignally 76 in 55, got reduced to 67 in 55...paid 175 dollars, and now have 4 points added my liscense.
do people not get the library is meant to be a quiet place??? there's this guy across from me(HOT MIGHT I ADD HEHE) is yelling at his friend.. its like you idiot!! i'm waitin for the librarian to say something to them.
lately sometimes i feel like i don't have the people i could always count on anymore. Jen's gone, and really somethings that are going on i can't talk to her about because she either tunes me out or just doesnt want to listen. but on the other things i can talk to her about, but right now she's mad at me for a stupid reason over a comment i left kevin brayer on myspace. my fucking god! and plus she's in tennesse again... jim seems to be busy a lot, and we don't even hang out much anymore or even talk... i miss him!! shawn's well... uh like 6 hrs away(?) and the last time i called him i was drunk, and he was sick. so idk. and then like tish who i used to go to about some stuff (not everything) well yeah she "doesnt like me" and says "i have no friends". so i dont want to bother with her. Tyler, yeah one person i know i can count on, but sometimes he's even too busy. and somethings i can't talk to him about, cause if i say the wrong thing i might get him annoyed. i just know he's one person i really wish was here right now :(.. Randy is a good friend, but he's in the process of moving and all.. and havent talked to him in like a week. and i can't go to him about some personal things, i can with others though. i know some of ya are reading this and say "i'm here yeah yeah" but.... sometimes i need those people. and i thank everyone who is always willing to be there for me, and know i'm willing always to do the same.
my goal for this year is: get fit, cause i recently found out my dad has diabetes and i dont want that or any of the other millions of diseases i'm likely to get happpen. and starting next week, start putting 20 dollars away a week to save up to get myself a car. i hope to have one by my 21st birthday or soon after. oh and my last one, is to graduate this year from FLCC and all that good stuff.
well i better go, mr dave b is probably waiting for me to meet him for lunch! |
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| flight attendent?! |
[Jan. 22nd, 2006|07:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  curious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | *bvld of broken dreams*-green day | ] |
well i always talk about tyler so here's some pics of him :)
  
soooo like i was watching this movie tonight (i forget the name) and it kinda made me think that i wanted to be a flight attendent. i mean i guess when i make announcements at work i sound like one. it might be something that i might do. i mean i'd get to travel all over the place, and get paid to do it! it's just an idea i haven't really looked into it, but i'm thinking about looking into it.... we'll see where it goes. now y'all can make fun of me for this, i don't care. it's just a thought.. and maybe i wouldnt do something like that until after i get my degree in social work. cause that is still what i want to do.... well thats all for now |
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| confused... but happy too |
[Jan. 19th, 2006|11:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | *Far Away*- nickelback | ] |
so i went to a movie with the one i want most and it was totally awesome (fun with dick and jane good movie should see it) i loved being with him even though i was nervous like it was the first time i met him...my palms were sweaty, and my heart raced all night long.. gave him a hug and i didnt wanna let go.....
we spent some time together on wednesday too... which was really awesomebut it was just a reminder of what i dont have anymoreand i just wanna be with him.... we laid in my bed and just cuddled for the longest time and then asking for a good bye kiss... it was hard.
he gave me reasons why things aren't the same, and i thank for thinking of my feelings..and thinking of me. but i just want to be able to call him up and say hey i miss you... but if i do then i seem like i want him back, and that will just make things worse and we'll be back to not talking probably. he was saying he didnt want to do anything to lose me forever, how did he know not breaking my heart was losin me forever? i feel like i've lost a part of me, and i wish it could come back....
on another note, i have an away message up and its the "crying" face and not a single person cared to ask me what was wrong..... shows how many "friends" that actually care about what is going on with me. thanks.... i'm always there for you, but you can't ask me whats wrong? or just because i say a few times i cant hang out, my 'friends' just stop asking? i'm discluded from all of them now.... wow. or just because i dont want to drink all the time... i love this life i led!!!!and i feel like some of my friends i'm growing apart from... and that totally sucks balls
DON'T FORGET ABOUT US!!! |
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| woo!! |
[Dec. 20th, 2005|11:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | *energy*-NATALIE/Baby Bash | ] |
so christmas is sunday. i'm not really sure what my parents have got me, but i'm kinda curious. i got something for everyone in my family....and i feel bad but i didnt get jen anything. cause i know if i give her money she will probably just buy ciggs, and i'm not going to help her habit. so.... to everyone, i'm saying merry christmas now!
i'm kinda excited my friends are home! Ralph came home dec 8th- i just talked to him on the phone, Adam comes home tomorrow- he says we're going to hang out cause we're cool like that lol Zach- came home sunday... and he wants to hang out too.... and then Billy came home but we're not good friends doubt we'll hang out haha. AND i think Matt is home too :)
things with tyler are sucky. i just want him back, and i'm hoping we well get back together. i think once he sees me he will see what he is losing out on. so i'm hoping we will be hanging out soon. i've never cried over a break up like i have with him. i mean after a few days, i was okay. but this saturday will make 3 weeks since we've broke up, and i think about maybe 3-4 of those days i didn't cry... but i wanted to. i miss him so much :(
oh and on another bad note, i got my first ever speeding ticket... courts Jan 5....ahhhhhh!!!!!! |
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| so like wow |
[Dec. 9th, 2005|10:53 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | *All i want for Christmas..*-Mariah Carey | ] |
tyler and i actually broke up. it's really taken a tole on me. i havent aten like normal, i dont sleep right, and the worst part of it all....i havent been talking to my friends like i always do. i've kinda avioded them. idk its not that i dont like them or i am mad at them, i just wanted my space. some of them understand or at least i think they do and others just flip out. heaven forbid for once i don't want to hang out. i always do...sometimes i just need that we all do! but anyways tyler and i talked last night. the first time we had a talk since our break up (saturday) that was longer than 2 minutes long. i think he's starting to see that maybe breaking up with me wasnt what he wanted. i said to him through text message yesterday morning that it would be nice if he called me, but i wasnt going to make him. and he did call me, but i was at work. so when i got home he Imed me and said for me to IM him when i got home haha. so we talked. he asked me if it would be bad if he said he missed somethings about our relationship. and i told him it depended if it was strictly sexual or something different. and he said (like any other guy yes to the sexual part hah) but he missed "snuggling with me" more. so i'm not sure what that really means, if that means he just misses having someone to cuddle with or if in fact he actually misses it with ME. i know i miss that one of the most things i do miss. i havent seen him in almost 2 weeks now. so i dont know whats going to be happening in the next few weeks or anything, but when do you really ever? and he said he wanted me to call him either before 11 (cause he will be at the hospital idk what for :( ) or after 1...so i guess i'm going to call him after i get done paying my jcpennys bill... maybe him and i will do something today. i think once he actually sees me, he'll miss me that much more. i know i could be in denial i just hope for the best! <3
thats all kiddies, hope you all enjoy the snow we gots!
*~JeSs |
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| relationships.... |
[Dec. 1st, 2005|10:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crushed | ] |
i've learned today, to have a relationship with someone and have it be successful......both "parties" have to be willing to do things they dont want to do, and make changes for eachother. i saw this quote once.. and it seemed to fit some things today "Love isn't about finding the perfect person but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly" everyone needs to learn to give people a chance, everyone makes mistakes... but just dont give them too many chances, espically if its something like abusive or cheating..one thing i know i've learned... if you want to love someone, you have to be willing to take everything that comes along with them too. not one is perfect. today i learned that without tyler, i dont know what i would do. he's so important to me, and i care so deeply about him. i don't think i've cried as much in just two days (NOT EVEN WITH BILL OR COREY!!) as i did with him.. when you find someone that is a great person, don't let them go. don't even let them let you go. i'm not even totally sure where i stand with him, but i know i will fight for him. another thing i've learned, you need to really trust people, don't flip out over very little thing. don't get mad over every little thing. you've got to trust someone, otherwise a relationship doesnt work. i know i have a hard time trusting people sometimes, and its something i am working on. if you know where i previously come from, you'd kinda understand. and lastely.. which i learned a long time ago, never ever let your friends come between you and your boyfriend... "chicks before dicks" "bros before hos" never let anyone come between you and your friends..... or you and your relationship with your "lover" |
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| woohoo!! |
[Nov. 30th, 2005|11:46 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy/loved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | *Stickwitu*-PCD | ] |
so today makes a month with the lovely tyler!! so it's sad, but him and i have been together longer than my last 3 relationships. i hope i have a lot more months with him, cause he's a keeper lol. we can't do something today becuase of me being in school/grandmas for dinner, and him having eye appointment/hunting.... so tomorrow after he gets out of work we're going to do something. which i can't wait for! on monday, my dad's company is having their christmas party, which i'm going to with my mom and dad. it's in geneva.. woohoo well that's it for now..... things seem to be better, i'm still scared, but i will be for while being i was hurt so bad before.
thats all kiddies :)
*~JeSs |
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| ahhhhh |
[Nov. 24th, 2005|11:28 pm] |
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for some reason, i'm totally scared. i love tyler a lot, and i know he's like the best thing that has happened to me. but idk, i don't see him that much, and i just worry that he has or will cheat on me. i've never been so worried as i am now. ever since i dated corey, there's so much about me that has changed. dating has become so hard for me. and i don't even know how to act sometimes. i don't know many guys who can go a week almost without seeing the "girl they love" unless they are away at college/military. something along those lines. i'm so scared to tell him this too..because i might lose him. i've lost a boyfriend because i couldnt trust him. i trust him like a lot, but at the same time.....i'm scared. i'm worried i'm going to lose him. he said i didnt have anything to worry about, but i still worry. i've never been as scared about being with someone as i do with him. idk what to do. |
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| thanksgiving |
[Nov. 24th, 2005|11:40 am] |
wishing you all a good thanksgiving!!! |
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| wooooo |
[Nov. 14th, 2005|07:35 pm] |
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| lover boy! |
[Nov. 9th, 2005|11:42 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | loved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | *Only One*-Yellowcard | ] |
so like the past week and half have been the best. i have a boyfriend now again, and he's like no other! he's the sweetest ever, and makes me smile and everything. his name is tyler, and he lives in livonia. i spend every chance i can with him hehe! he's perfect!!
finally getting more hours at work again, finally. i need money....... speakin of which, i'm thinking about taking a small loan so i can get a car, asap. cause my dad starts working days tomorrow, and going to work will be harder to do. i hope i can find a car for less than 1,000 that doesnt need work.
jen doesnt live at her own place now, shes living with her brother.. idk thats really a good thing but its better than her bein on the streets...
well folks thats about all i have time for :) |
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| fucking parents!! |
[Oct. 27th, 2005|11:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | *bvld of broken dreams*-green day | ] |
i'm really beyond the point where i need to move out of my house. but i can't afford to. without living with my parents, i'll have no health insurence, and i'd be in a worse bind than now. but i can't live with my parents if we just fight all the time. i seriously try not to yell or get mad at them, but they act like it's ALWAYS me. i'm ALWAYS wrong. i ALWAYS yell first. like tonight, i simply said to my dad "we're out of milk" and he flips on me. excuse me, it's 11:30 at night, and i'm just NOW drinking it. no reason to yell at me, and my mom actually sided with me for once. she said to him that he knew BEFORE i drank the milk that there wasn't much left. i don't need to go to bed earlier, so my mom can stop telling me i do. i'm 20 years old, and they treat me like i'm fucking 5. they try to tell me when i have to go to bed, when i have to be home. well i'm seriously done. i wanna just pack my shit, and never come back to this fucking house again. i so wish i could. i dont like this, they make me feel like i'm shit. like i can't ever earn enough money, or clean enough for them.. i can't do anything right. the only thing i can do right, is go to school. i get bitched at cause i change the seating around in their car, i'm sorry i'm fucking shorter than them... i'm sorry i have to adjust it so i can see, and reach the peddles. i forget once to put it back right, and i get bitched at. i change the station on the radio, and they bitch at me. my god, so once i forgot to turn the music down, and i changed the station. i mean come on, they bitch at me for the stupidest reasons possible. and when i wanna say something, i can't "it's disreseptful" or "it goes without any discussion" i get bitched at for not having a car... i'm sorry i can't afford it. my job only allows you so much money an hour. they wont even let me get another job if i drive their cars. i mentioned getting a second job, nope can't do that either! everything i want to do, i get turned down. i'm sick of it all.. i wish something could change..... fucking parents! |
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| crap |
[Oct. 17th, 2005|11:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed/good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | *My Neck, My Back (Like It)*-Khia | ] |
so everyone is like being immature and starting a hole lot of bullshit. it's rather annoying, and i'm really getting sick of it. so as of right now, i'm not going to be talking to a lot of people. i'm just gonna avoid them; and when they want to be mature we will talk...
this past week end, i had fun getting drunk everynight with my buddies :) it was fun. calling up people, and being stupid, hitting on random guys at the pizza shop, drivin to the city and getting totally lost lol... it was all good fun
so matt and have been talking again lately. well i hadnt had his new number to call him, and im sure he didnt have mine either. but hes been online lately, so we've been chit-chattin. might hang out with him sometime soon...... if he decides to call me lol
so i've kinda met someone.... he hasn't dated any of my female friends, almost though.. he's really sweet, and cute haha. he promised me we'd hang out sometime soon.. i wont say his name cause i dont want anyone to know at this given time... i think he can figure out who he is. we haven't hung out yet, so i can't say he likes me or i like him really. but from what im getting we'd totally hit it off!! |
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| ugh im such an ass |
[Oct. 4th, 2005|11:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drunk/shitty | ] |
| [ | music |
| | *put it on me*- ja rule | ] |
so i feel totally like an ass and hypocrit. i dated this guy like 3 years ago, and everyone was telling me he was cheating on me. we had a big issue about it and i couldn't trust him.. so we broke up. i was so worried he was going to cheat on me, but really i cheated on him i totally liked the guy too, he never told me whether any of it was true, he just was pissed cause i believed it was. so i was talking to this guy i talk to, and it made me want to ask my ex if he did cheat on me while we were together.. so i did ask him, and he told me he didnt.... but i felt even though i hadnt told him about me cheating on him while we were together, i felt i had to.... so i told him. he seems kinda pissed. granted he has the right to be pissed, but this happened well over 3 years ago now, and he's with someone else. and we just recently have been talking and on good terms... which he can be an awesome friend... so i feel like such a bitch. and i'm not sure how to make it right. (if you knew about me and the hole cheating thing it would make a lil more sense, but im not putting the hole story up cause it's TOO personal) so yeah.......
went to jens tonight, drank a little, not feelin it really but i had fun. left my friend dough at her house im so sad about that... oh well
me and bill have been texting lately, it's really strange...... and i have another letter to mail to my adam buddy woohoo.. speaking of military guys.. i think i miss ralph..... it's really totally weird.. but idk, i just kinda wanna know the REAL truth as to why we broke up a year ago. like i know i miss hangin out with him, cause we were really good friends..... so if he doesnt come home in like a week or two (which im told he is suppose to) i will call his mom to get his address.. |
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| what's New? |
[Sep. 26th, 2005|11:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
| [ | music |
| | *Rich and Famous*-GOoD ChArLoTtE | ] |
well.. ashley gave me adam's address for basic training. so i wrote him a letter, and he wrote back. he sounds like he is having a lot of fun and enjoying himself!
i guess i havent wrote about jonah's mom calling the coppers on me.. totally dumb! i didnt even mean to call his house, and his mom calls the cops. seriously she has some mental issues. who the hell calls the cops on someone when they made a mistake and called the wrong number? and it only rang not even a full ring. yeah, some people i'll tell ya what. anyways needless to say, i could totally care less if i talk to jonah cause he left me out to dry..
oh yeah the neighbors called the DEC on us cause we were burning our garbage?? uh, try no.. it was our other neighbors. then they call the cops cause my grandma's car is on the side of the road. a- there's a shoulder, enough room for cars to get by! b- it's not illegal, c- it's not in their yard!! i swear my neighbors find any reason to call the cops on us, they havent liked us since day one when the moved in there, like a million years ago. well i told my mom next time their kids park their car on the road, we should call the cops on them.
i'm thinking about droping english 102, and taking it with a different teacher next semester, cause this guy is totally like whoa weird! lol i'll go and get the forms before my next class..schools alright....i have my first speech wednesday. i'm doin it on west point!
the love life is still the same..... no boy.. but i think i've realized i'm finally ready to date again. i mean i know i still love bill with all my heart and soul, i know we wont be together, but i think i'm ready to find someone new. we'll still keep in contact, but i need someone thats gonna care about me, and want to talk to me...... i know he cares just, not the way i want him to. but.... i need to find a decent guy though, one that'll make me feel special and not date me for a week or two then break up with me....but i dont want just ANY good guy, i need one my type lol |
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| yeah yeah yeah |
[Sep. 9th, 2005|02:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay | ] |
| [ | music |
| | *Hazel Eyes*- Kelly Clarkson | ] |
well second week of my third semester of college has been interesting. monday we had off because of labor day, and tuesday i was sick.. so i didnt go to Gym class. wednesday i skipped my first class (english 102) and went to the rest of my classes... thursday was Gym.. and since its a walk/jog class, i hadnt done the mile.. well guess what.. i'm proud of myself.. i walked a mile in 17 minutes.. not bad for me lol and today which is friday... i went to my 3 classes, the first two (english and public speaking) we watched a freggin movie! hell ya! lol... then sociology is always fun, always take notes though.... and my last class was history and the teacher cancled it.. so no test woohoo!!
tonight bridgette's coming to my place, and we're going to jens.. to do what i always do there.....(No- not a female sex fest lol) but DRINK! haha..... and some people from college wanna hang out too, so i have to call them to come out.. i'm not working at all this week end, pisses me off cause i can work.. whatever.. but yeah back to my plans lol.. saturday night i'm going to bridgette's place and we are going mid-night bowling with some of the college buddies.. and sunday i'm not sure what the hell i'm doing..
so as much as i try, i still think about bill.. i sleep with his hoodie. and i would like to talk to him at least once like normally before he head to iraq in november... i think the army can be stupid sometimes! he's been over seas onceayear, now they wanna send him again for a year/year & half..whatever but i love the army hehe (he was in korea before if you dont read my journal regiliously) i still want to cry over the fact the way he wrote me..but i havent really cried long like i did before.. i cry for a minute or two and i'm over it. i know i love that guy, and i know it'll never change.. but i think now finally i can move on, and maybe just maybe have a sucessful meaningful relationship i hope so.. i'm not totally ready but i will be in a few months, just giving myself time, and just getting to know some random guys from around here. it's so hard no to wonder though if him and aly have a thing..... i told bill i would take her off my buddy list but i havent. i just dont talk to her, and i know for a fact i am still on her buddy list cause she looks at my profile. i feel like if i keep it on my list, then i can see if they are together/and what he says/she says type of thing.. and that probably doesnt help me to get over him!
so ashley said she would give me adams mailing address cause she has it, but i know it would take like a year before she would remember it! so i think today i'm going to call adam's mom/grandma and just ask them for it myself. i miss my buddy he's in Kentucky for basic training.....woohoo, he's been gone like 3 weeks almost now. i hope he's having fun and it's really meant for him, dont want him to end up like some of my friends i know that went through basic and then find a way to get out.. or like my brother sometimes but i believe in him!! anyways.. so i'll be writing to him soon
well that's it for me i guess..... i feel so not loved cause no one comments on my journal anymore *sad face* |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 5th, 2005|11:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | *Loser*-Beck | ] |
well..... things are fucking crazy...... bill totally told me off, and it was the meanest way possible. so whatever, he's a lying sack of horse shit that can go fuck himself (sorry to most of you who dont like swearing)
anyways first week has been alright... my gym class is going to be annoying and i dont think im going to go tomorrow cause i dont feel well at all.. but all my other classes seem like fun....
this week end, bridgette was kicked outta her house. so she stayed here all week end, which was fun.. took her back to her moms house today. things are good..
friday- jonah nicole bridgette and i chilled.. then went to jens and bridgette called me went and picked her up..
saturday- went to brockport for melissa's house party.. then went bowling with randy and amanda
sunday- worked 7-3.....then.... chilled with jen and bridgette til it was time to hang out with jimbo.... went to dennys talked, did whatever ya know. jonah was being his normal dick self.. so i told him off..
monday- went to work 930-130...then chilled with bridgette, went to radio shack, toook her home....took a nap.... and woke up feeling like shit..... watched garden state, it was different but good.... and for some reason at the end witht he guy and girl it was reminding me of shawn... so i wantedt o call him i miss him...... and its really weird.... idk what to think...... idk if i miss just seeing him...... or how things were 2 years ago oh well thats it for now kiddies!!! someone please leave me some comments for once |
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| bill leaving and college starting again |
[Aug. 30th, 2005|11:51 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | *Hazel Eyes*-Kelly Clarkson | ] |
Bill:
well with that hole thing it's really messed up. i called em on the day he left for kansas and said something like "i feel like you don't care about me, so i guess if you care call me back" and he called me back while i was at work.. so i called him back when i got home. we talked for like 20 minutes.. he seemed annoyed cause my "friends" were talking crap to his "FRIEND" aly.. yeah okay, and i have no right to get annoyed or anything that her or her "friends" said shit to me? but i'm more mature than that and didn't mention it.. but we talked a little about the things really bothering me.. and of course it was hard for me to say these things to him.. like always! i wrote him 2 emails. so after i was done talking to him on the phone, i was talking to 2 of his close friends.......... Aj and Zack.. Aj and i were just having a normal conversation, but Zack, tells me all this shit that i pretty much knew already. Bill goes and tells me all this shit, then he goes and fucks another girl, and expects me to act like it doesnt bother me? or that i'm SO stupid i wouldn't know? hello, his friends actually kinda do like me!! (or so i think lol) and it kinda bothers me that adam kept it from me, i asked adam, and he said they were just close friends. i know he was trying to protect me from being hurt, but no matter what i will be when it comes to bill! i can't just tell bill fuck off either, thats what i had hoped to do but i know i can't. it hurts too much to do so. with him in my life i hurt, without him in my life, i hurt.. so i wont win!! i just hope he can be honest with me, and stop this stuff. i love that boy soo VERY much. that's the scary part, i never felt this way for a guy after year and half like i feel for him. he still can make me cry, and then put the smile on my face for days! first time i saw him, my heart raced like 90 miles an hour! i feel like i am kinda getting inbetween bill and this aly girl... just because of how i care, but i don't know. i think he hasn't been fair to either of us really. but i do know, how much i care. i bought this card, that i'm going to send him once i get his address. it's really kinda preverted but it's cute!
College:
first day was fun. i think my teachers aren't going to be too bad, my english 102 teacher seems a bit out there, but cool. my public speaking teacher, he too seems a bit odd, but it will be fun! and of course sociology is gonna be kick ass! first day we talk about how the sexual position "missonary" was titled, and history, well history is always fun i love it! and we talked about some early history in the US, and im like yeah i know this get to the fun stuff lol. today i was late for my walk and jog class, so rather than walking in half way through it, i wrote the teacher an email said sorry, and skipping it hehe i'm bad lol.. yesterday i saw a few of my buddies.. Kalie, Jessica, Amber, Sarah, and Mike.. probably going to see the rest as we get into classes. it was really totally not cool walking up and down the stairs, i was looking for shawn like i always used to, and he wasnt there :( it didnt seem right! ha. but that's because he goes to purchase now lol well thats its kiddies!!
*Til the day I die, I spill my heart for YOU* |
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| yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
[Aug. 23rd, 2005|12:20 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | bill | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | loved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | *You And Me*- Lifehouse | ] |
SO yeah before I was all angry cause bill never answered his phone and I hadn’t hardly seen him since he has been home from Korea.. well Saturday was adam’s going away party (he left today for basic!!) and I saw bill there for about an hour, but then everyone was leaving including adam and bill so we left too.. bridgette and I kinda wanted to stay and hang out there with them, but jonah wanted to leave.. and we did NOTHING the entire night. Sunday bridgette called me after she had left my house, and asked me to hang out with her randy and jonah. So she came and picked me up and we met the guys in Honeoye. But randy didn’t want to chill so we took jonah home and bridgette and I went to a movie…Deuce Bigalo Male Gigalo European.. or whatever it was funny! While we were in the movie adam called me so I called him after we got out. Bridgette and then went back to Bristol to pick up butthead Jonah… and we hung out at the peir til adam/Danielle and bill showed up.. we hung out at the old wegamens for a bit, then because it was rainin I said we could all go back to my aunts.. so Steveo & Faith, Danielle, Bill, Adam, Jonah Bridgette, and this Brent kid all came back to my aunts.. ( I really didn’t want brent there cause I only met him once) so he left, and we all chilled drank a lil, played games had fun.. ya know the usual! Then bridgette had to leave, so Jonah had anna come get him.. (okay this girl is a ditz and half, met her once.. and he was inviting her to my aunts WITHOUT asking me!! I was mad) then adam left cause he had to take Danielle home….and he left bill with me hehe. Steveo and faith left, and anna and jonah did too.. so it was just me and bill! I thought that adam would have come back for him, but he didn’t. which I didn’t mind but I did at the same time cause I hadn’t let my mom know I was staying that night at my aunts.. oh well! So me and bill spent our alone time together, which has made me feel a ton better! After we had our fun in the morning he wanted a cig but he was out so he walked to the store lol.. and was leavin me like that and called me on his way down and told me he wanted to spend sometime with me before he goes to kanas.. he called me after we got off the phone then too again. Hehe. So I feel better now that I got to see him a little bit before he leaves. Glad to see adam too before he left!! Shawn wants to see me too before he leaves, and he said he would get back to me, but he hasn’t so I’m like okay……and I haven’t talked to jen in a few days cause of the phone call I had with her but oh well. The way I look at it is, she contradicted herself.. and it pissed me off. So I hung up on her, and she gets all pissy when I ask her to find some people for Jonah cause he was selling something. And like she flips out!!! Okay she doesn’t like him but he is MY friend, and he would do something for her if she asked!! Okay what happened to the nights she wanted to get out of her house, and I was with jonah and whoever else. Serisouly its dumb! Anyways that’s my update for now!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 17th, 2005|10:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | *bvld of broken dreams*-green day | ] |
List 20 random people you know in no particular order:
1 Bill
2 Jen
3 Bridgette
4 Nicole
5 Shawn
6 Jessica L
7 Ashley A
8 Ashley Y
9 Adam
10 Jim
11 Amber
12 Tisha
13 Randy
14 Amanda
15 Nick
16 Jonah
17 Kalie-May
18 Lizz
19 Ralph
20 Jesse
01. How did you meet 13?
umm.. he came over to my house, the first time Jim and i were going to hang out :)
02. What would you do if you never met 5?
i dont know, he matured me a lot, so i'm sure i wouldnt be as mature.. lol.. and he is/was a big part of my life..
03. Have you ever liked 3?
yeah, she's my new buddy girl lol
04. What do you honestly think of 10?
Hmm.. someone i know i would be perfect for, and i care about him a lot.. glad he's someone i can count on
05. Would or did 19 and 8 go out?
8- no cause thats miss ashley young lol
19- yup i dated ralphy
06. If 1 died tomorrow, what is one thing that you would need to let him or her know?
Bill- that letting him go is the hardest thing i've had to do, and i love him more than anyone could love a person.. :(
07. Would 2 and 11 make a good couple?
no-- my best friend and my cousin? eww lol
08. Describe 6 in 3 words:
shy, funny, smart
09. Do you think 12 is hot?
well considering its a girl no.. but i think tisha is pretty lol
10. Would 1 and 17 ever go out?
maybe, they seem like eachothers type, but i would die if they did (sorry)
11. What do you think when you see 8?
a ditz, but for the most part fun lol
12. Tell me something humiliating about 11.
all i have to say is ADAM E!!
13. Do you know any of 6's family members?
i know his step brother adam, and i met his mother a few times
14. What's 20's favorite color?
i think it's red
15. On a scale of 1-10 how adroable is 14?
7
16. What would you do if 4 just confessed their undying love for you?
i would be really weirded out..
17. What language does 19 speak?
english only
18. Who is 8 going out with?
Adam, who's number 9!!
19. Does 2 have any siblings?
yes, 2 half siblings and an older brother
20. Would you ever date 7?
no, cause she's a girl
21. Is 15 single?
yes, nick is single
22. What is 10's fantasy?
yeah.. i dont think i really know.. but i know some things he likes that i do hehe :p
23. What school does 16 go to?
none.. he's done with it
24. Where does 9 live?
Honeoye
25. Would you make out with 13?
i dont think i would... he's not really my type
26. How did you meet 15?
well it's a long story.. but basically he came to Chris's house.. and what not
27. What grade is 17 in?
college second year (sophmore)
28. When was the last time you talked to 12?
um earlier today
29. What is 3's favorite band?
i'm not really sure..
30. Would you marry 18?
no, another .. on the other hand maybe... |
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| yo |
[Aug. 17th, 2005|12:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  shocked | ] |
| [ | music |
| | *energy*-NATALIE/Baby Bash | ] |
well lately things have been really weird. so i finally got to see bill, but that was only because i happened to see adam driving to his house.. i went to a party with them in honoeye. i was kinda shocked cause usually when bill is drinking he's all over other girls, or he ignores me. and he didn't do either. i was glad i was able to see him, and he gave me his cell number. i've hardly talked to him since then for more than like 10 minutes at a time. i'm kinda annoyed with him.. he tells me all this shit before he comes home, and he treats me like shit AGAIN. i'm sick of it... but it's not like i can let him go.. cause i love em so... :( but i did tell him in an email that i might have to, cause i can't handle this crap anymore..
then there's shawn.... oh boy this week end *wink* was wow. i dont even know. okay after 2 years, he tells me he misses me, and misses holding me in his arms. now don't tell me that's a little weird. he wants me to start calling him more now.. he's not going to be at FLCC again this year, so i dont think a relationship would work with us again. and i told him after he said he missed me.. that he was the one that let me go, i didn't let him go.. and he was like "yeah i know i messed up" ... we talked i think friends is where it's going to stay right now..
other than that work, is good getting a lot of hours, earning money. got a new cell phone!! 301-5719.. it's still prepay but it has a good plan with it..
school starts soon woohoo!!
oh, last week end, i was house sitting for my aunt. and bridgette came over, and we had nick come over too. we had lots of fun! nick got to pimp out two females hehe. and then we got scared and made him sleep in the bed between me and bridgette... so i bet he was feelin pretty lucky
OH MY BUDDY ADAM IS LEAVING FOR THE ARMY NEXT TUESDAY! ITS LIKE EVERYONE IS LEAVING!! GOD I'MMA MISS MY BUDDY :(
well thats all kiddies .. that's it for today... |
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| awww.. Yay!! |
[Jul. 23rd, 2005|09:59 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | bill | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | loved/excited! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | *here without you*- 3 doors down | ] |
Bill comes home tuesday night, and i'm like overwhelmed with joy.. i never thought i'd find a guy who i'd feel the way i do, after so long. other guys have come and gone since him, but none have touched me like him... so i'm just couting down the days til he comes.... it's less than 3!!! yeppie ( i *love* him)so when i was watching laugna beach today, Stephen was talking to Kristin about leaving someone and coming back, and getting those butterflies seeing them.. and i was like "whoa that's so how i feel when it came to bill last summer"- i can only imagne what it's going to be this time! and they were like "we're in an open relationship"-- when they are seperated they can see other people, and when they are together back at luagna, they are a "couple" and some how that too made me think about me and bill. jen kept saying i think it's going to be like last time he came home... and i just have a feeling it won't be. last time, i didn't talk to him before he came home, just 2 letters i recieved from him. he never said the things he says now.. i mean yeah he said he missed me and wished he was with me, but it wasn't "i love you.. i truely do" or " no one makes me feel the way you do in thi world".. that isn't him just being lonely come on now!!
so this morning, i get up to get to get ready for work, and my dad says he just talked to our relatives from south carolina.. he was half awake, and they asked to stay with us for while... my dad said it was okay. it was kinda funny. i guess my uncle's mom has passed away, and they want to stay with us. they are coming over monday night, and staying til tuesday i guess. it will be sorta cool, havent seen them in probably 2 years now..
i guess at work i'm being trained/thrown back into the office.. i never really understood why they stoped training me? oh well.. so i guess my hours will be about what they are now during the school year, and i'm happy about that..
so yeah, $425 is due wednesday for Tuition and i have $230.. it's REALLY not cool.... tomorrow i'm going to talk to my mom about what i should do.. i hope she knows what to do, cause yeah it would suck!!
Darien lake was a lot of fun! my dad let me take his truck, and i drove Adam and myself there. i went on some of the new water rides, and some old.. the only roller coaster i went on was the superman, and it was scary. i've never been on a ride that the drop is that big!!! i rode some other rides, and just hung out. that was pretty much it.. we watched the lazer light show at 10:10- totally sweet! i guess everyone's going to roseland Aug 21, so i guess i'm going to go to that as well. i've never been, i heard it was kinda stupid, but it should be fun! |
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| 11 days! |
[Jul. 15th, 2005|01:06 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | bill | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | touched | ] |
| [ | music |
| | *here without you*- 3 doors down | ] |
so yeah i get an email today.. :(
Hey hunni,
whats up? I only have 7 days left at camp Stanley!! yay! Anyway, I want
to tell you that im pretty buzzed/drunk right now and i want you to ask
the next alcoholic you see to tell if truth juice is really good or
not. I think that i have tons to tell you but don't know how. I know I
love ya! theres no in this world that gives me feelings like you do. I
just can't be with you for good. I want to. But, I want you to watch a
movie for me. This will help you understand the way I think. You the movie
"We were Soldiers?' well..i bet you have watched it before but i want
you to watch again...by yourself...and i want you to put yourself in
Colonel Moore's wife's shoes. And at the end of the movie picture Colonel
Moore not there. thats my favorite movie. thats the one reason why i
wish I hadn't join the army. Anyway, thats what I think about me and some
one else. I can't be in the army and leave a widow and an orphan(sp). I
Just can't. which is why im going to be very lonely for a ver
y long time. But i hope that you understand what im talking about after
you watch that movie. I have to go and sleep now cuzz i gotta get up
early as fuck tommarrow. Till lata..
Love ya hun,
~Will |
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| reasons why i love Bill<3 |
[Jul. 13th, 2005|07:55 pm] |
-whenever i was with him, i felt like nothing could go wrong
-i could escape my friends and just be alone with him
-he makes me smile so much, he keeps me in good spirits
-never told me what to do..
-when i'm with him, i cant stop getting this amazing feelin in my stomach
- when i tried dating other guys, he's all i'd ever think about
- i could see myself with him forever..
-he never pushed me into having sex, he liked me because i wasn't a slut
-he's really sweet when it comes down to it, and he truely cares
-i can't ever get him out of my mind
-i love how his body agaisnt mine feels
-i love how we can just lay together and be totally content
-i love the way he says he misses me
-i care so much, i even accept his drinking
-I want a lover who knows me Who understands how I feel inside Someone to comfort and hold Through the long lonely nights(that describes him)
-when we almost broke up, he told me he liked me too much and didnt want to
-when he would tell me a lie, he'd tell me the truth even if it hurt me (he lied to me once.. and only once)
-he'd say he was sad cause i wasnt there to make him smile..
-he'd protect me from other guys trying to hit on me.. ( a little bit of jealousy is cute)
-he made me feel like i was pretty even if i didnt feel that way
-when we were intimate.. i could it was real, it wasn't just "having sex"
-i love that he was talking about me going overseas with him before we were even "offically" dating...
-i love that he didnt mind hanging out with my friends even if they were bitchy
-he was never afraid to say i was his girl
if that doesnt quilfy as love, then i dont know what it is..:-\ |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 10th, 2005|07:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | loved/confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | *energy*-NATALIE/Baby Bash | ] |
well my saturday-sunday was rather interesting. first i'll start with this hole thing with Shawn. we were cuddling on the couch when he came over here, and it was really cute and nice.. and when he was going to leave we kinda kissed. and i'm freaking out. we dated once before, and it was 2 years ago. i feel like i might have led him on a little, i hope i haven't. i mean i did really dream of the day something like that would happen again with him, but i moved on. he's going to be away next semester for college, and we're not going to be at the same school.. he does hold a speical place with my heart, and i care about him.. but we can't date.. so i really hope that he isn't looking for that. i felt so like i wanted to cry... i hate doing that. and its not like i'm saying i regret kissing him, or anything, just we're probably better off the way we were. (friends?)
saturday night before Jen came and picked me up, i wrote bill an email. i didn't flat out tell him that i was on in love with him (which i am, and have been for over a year now)but i was hinting towards it. then this morning when i was getting ready for work, i signed online for a few minutes.. and he Ims me right away.
Pa C Uf One: hey cutie
Star NFG 182: hey you
Pa C Uf One: I got your email
Star NFG 182: oh yeah?
Pa C Uf One: and i wanna say
Star NFG 182: ..??
Pa C Uf One: i wanna say im sorry
Star NFG 182: why are you sorry?
Pa C Uf One: Im sorry i brought feelings down to you that you've never felt...
Pa C Uf One: Im going to say something that might disturb you or might make you understand...
Star NFG 182: ok
Pa C Uf One: I recently slept with a girl...
Pa C Uf One: (about 3 months ago)
Star NFG 182: right
Pa C Uf One: she died about 3 weeks ago
Star NFG 182: oh wow..
Pa C Uf One: some times i feel as tho i need to be where she was at the time
Star NFG 182: dont say that
Pa C Uf One: I truly do
Pa C Uf One: I feel as tho it shoulda been me in her boots
Pa C Uf One: why her?
Star NFG 182: yeah
Pa C Uf One: ya...
Pa C Uf One: but the thing i want to tell you is..
Pa C Uf One: I love you..I truly do
Star NFG 182: ok
Pa C Uf One: I love how you care so much
Pa C Uf One: I love how you wish you were with me all the time
Pa C Uf One: I love the fact that you wanna be with me
Star NFG 182: well it's never changed.. my feelings dont go away. and it took me a long time to really realize thats why i dk what i was going to say
Star NFG 182: im so fregin tired lol
Pa C Uf One: ok im a let you go to bed
Star NFG 182: i dont meant o cut you have off here, but i have less than an hr to shower and be ready for work...
Pa C Uf One: ok
Pa C Uf One: I understand im a workin man your a working woman
Star NFG 182: no its my fault lil miss jess had people over til 5 am and now its 10 am and i have to work... idk what to say back to you, cause its hard but i'm glad you do get to come home :-* i'll ttyl
and i had been waiting for a long time to hear him say that, granted it was online, and it wouldnt be as real til he says it to my face. but i was freaking out and wanted to cry. finally knowing he feels the same way i do. i'm kinda overly excited to see what happens when he returns in less than 16 days!!!!!! i miss him like there's no tomorrow. some days it isn't hard, and other days it's too hard.. i wish him and i could have talked longer about it, and i think we probably will before he comes home.... *butterflies* |
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